Performance Scene 1

I looked for you to notice,
And danced around non-stop.
You think with all the commotion
Your glance would graze on by
Like sheep in a field .
Chickens were no competition for me…
Even as they are personified to be 8lbs lighter.

The light was on, the music playing
Each year it got louder as the cost went sky high.
Everyday I danced the dance I thought you’d like.
Everyday you would see, you’d watch the growth, maturity,
Strength and weakness. You saw the gleam in my eyes awaiting approval
As words came reeking of day old milk, left out in the sun.
It never tasted good, you never seemed to enjoy what we shared.

Training relentlessly disregarding exhaustion
As a worm crawls into the dirt; I crawled into my bed.
Hiding under the soil that was my blanket.

One kind word, one encouraging statement: Never!
Never noticing my heart, which only wanted to make you happy
And show you how much I loved you.
Show you that I would work harder, do anything for you.
All I wanted was you to love me back
Trying hard to earn and never getting paid.

I cannot help it now.
Every time I think of performance I think of ‘Our Dance’
It never fully became ours, it was always just mine.
Delusion of love. Aroma of lavender never escaped your mouth
The decay of rotten milk filled our lives.

Fall came and summer went as the stench only got worse.
My heart and nose endured too much—the Healer said it was a heart condition.
... No more dance.

I’ll never know what your love feels like,
At least I know the love of my Father.