Being Damaged - living in captivity.
Imprisoned. Barricaded. Locked up. Shut out.
Best friends with yourself. Hidden from pursuits of others.
Territory guarded. Gated. Fenced. Walls up.
Jerk away from outreached hands.
Experienced pain once, twice, trice. Learned noted retained.
Diligently surviving, coping gives the allusion of a better life than to relived buried pain stored away deep within the corners of basements, attics and refrigerators.
Walls reaching the outer limits space, letting people in becomes impossible.
I RESENT ANYONE WHO TRIES TO CONTROL ME!!!!
And fear the words of friend. I fight for myself.
Change focus from inside to outside.
Everything becomes performance based. I work hard to forget my reality.
I delight in hearing about other people's pleasures - unattainable fantasies.
Fainting momentary glimpses of actual freedom show my heart's true potential.
Reveal a spirit - lonely - inside of me__Bound by the vow of silence
Fenced people out__DO NOT TOUCH ME!!
For even your touch is poison.
Frustrated. SAD. Angry knowing all this came upon me not because of someone else's choice.
My turn to make a decision.
22 years of brokenness and isolation turn to face a trouble heart.
Terrified. Afraid. See the reflection?
Against a pool of sadness and grief.
Unable to walk, I CRAWL along with a little tea light hoping it won't burn out.
My flame is low. Don't splash water or breathe deeply - this is a slow crawl out of the darkness.
I long for the sun and wholeness that I know God brings.
I have no hope in myself, even despite my perfectionist nature I experience a failed self.
Robbing Jesus
Heal me.
My spirit longs to be free.
I wait with anticipation to see how Beautiful a whole can be.
In my moment of need You were there.
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